Archive for March, 2006

I’m Not Too Old To Skate..

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

I went skateboarding with a partner in crime tonight. And while I’m not nearly as good as I used to be…I also didn’t kill myself, which I was afraid of.

So offically, I am not too old to skateboard. I plan to do much more of it this summer.

Yeah me!

St. Patricks Day

Sunday, March 19th, 2006

I don’t really care about St. Patricks Day, honestly. My name is Colin, yes, but I am not Irish. I had to explain this to countless people on Friday night…and they would all look at me baffled like “what do you mean? your name is Colin is it not? You must be Irish.” No..I’m not. Sorry.

I and two associates in debauchery went downtown to check out the madness at about 4:00pm. Our obviously flawed plan was that we would all go do the happy hour thing, and then get home before it got too crazy and the sobriety check points were set up. Well, as you can imagine, it didn’t turn out quite that way.

First we went to some bar I can’t remember the name of, because they have 9 foot pool tables. Unfortunately, the tables were all taken, and we didn’t want to wait around. So we had a black and tan, and then left for City Steam. At City Steam, I confirmed my prior assessment that their beer has gone to shit. Seriously, for a brew pub, their beer SUCKS wind. It was terrible. But we still played pool there for a while, and suffered through the terrible beer. I played one of my most dominating games of pool ever, right after my cohort made fun of me for how I break.

He was like, “why do you always break that fucking lame way, man? You are supposed to hit it dead on the center.” He was totally wrong, as just after he said this, I broke in my normal fasion, pocketed 5 balls on the break, and proceeded to run the table without giving him a turn. Out of 15 games with my two cohorts, I lost one…and only because I scratched on the 8 ball. Yes, I am awesome. You don’t have to tell me.

Then we left and walked down the street to some Irish bar that was packed to the gills. I hate standing in crowds. About the only way I can tolerate it is if there is a band playing that I really want to see, or hot girls that seem interested. Fortunately, we ran into a few of the latter. After a while though, we really needed to get out to the parking lot so that my one friends could run over my other friends foot. True story. Sounds reckless and dangerous, and probably was, but terribly funny none the less. It probably would have been less funny had he whos foot was run over actually been hurt…but he was ok.

We then stopped by the biker bar. Those of you who know me very well will know what that means.

We chilled at my place for a while, then went to the Pool Factory so I could continue my dominating of pool. By this point in the evening however, my beer goggles were firmly attached. Now, a little known side effect of the beer goggles needs to be mentioned here. While yes, they make females look more attractive than they otherwise would be, they also make rather poor shots at pool look much more attractive. So I couldn’t really crush my opponents the way I would have liked to. And besides, at this point it was about midnight, and we were all starting to wear down after our nine hour “happy hour”. So we called it quits, and all went home.

Good times for all…except my friend who had his foot run over I guess. :)

PS: Wow..I typed all that and didn’t make a single spelling mistake according to my spell checker!

The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure

Saturday, March 18th, 2006


I met Ferdinand de Saussure
On a night like this
On love he said
“I’m not so sure
I even know what it is
No understanding
No closure
It is a nemesis
You can’t use a bulldozer
To study orchids”

He said…
“So we don’t know anything
You don’t know anything
I don’t know anything
about love
But we are nothing
You are nothing
I am nothing
Without love”

I’m just a great composer
And not a violent man
But I lost my composure
And I shot Ferdinand
Crying “it’s well and kosher
to say you don’t understand
but this is for Holland-Dozier-Holland”

His last words were
“We don’t know anything
You don’t know anything
I don’t know anything
about love
But we are nothing
You are nothing
I am nothing
Without love”

Oh Lord…here it comes…

Friday, March 17th, 2006

St. Pattys day…

It’s a forgone conclusion that I’ll get hammered. The only problem is that I got hammered last night, and only now at about 3:30pm, has the thought of alcohol crossed my mind without me dry heaving.

However, I did win my first pool match in my league last night! It was awesome. The guy I was playing with was even more nervous that me…which felt nice for once. I can finally say I’m not the newest guy on the league, and also that I have now officially beaten someone.

Anyway…back to me complaining. My friend is coming to pick me up at 4:15pm sharp, so that we can go downtown and start the party. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to be able to handle it. I’m really hoping that if I get a beer down or something, I won’t immediately puke…but it’s gonna be a tough one, that’s for sure. My day so far has consisted of cursing alcohol, trying not to fall asleep at my desk, and as you can see…posting random shit to my blog. I also thought I completely screwed up my vision for a while, because I put my head down and took a little semi-nap, and when I raised my head back up and opened my eyes, they wouldn’t focus for like 5 minutes. It was rather disturbing, especially after reading about Sam and Lolo both getting glasses. Oldness totally sucks.
RobSurge took the whole day off and has been drinking since approximately 9:00am. He said he would call me around 3:00pm, but he hasn’t. I imagine it’s probably because he’s passed out in a puddle of his own piss and vomit somewhere on the streets of Wallyworld. He is also not answering his phone, which he carries religiously since the birth of his son.

Anyway…I’m outta here…time to go dye my internal organs with green beer!

Why I Love Pat Robertson

Friday, March 17th, 2006

Everyone fucking despises loves Pat Robertson, right? Why do we all want him dead love him? Because he’s absolutely insane brilliant. One of the most dangerous lunatics truly brilliant minds of our time.

In the interest of exposing him for the dangerous cretin he is opening some people’s minds, I thought I would post a few choice quotes.

  • “Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court.”
  • “Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”
  • “I would warn Orlando that you’re right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you, This is not a message of hate — this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs; it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.” (on “gay days” at Disneyworld)
  • “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
  • “NOW is saying that in order to be a woman, you’ve got to be a lesbian.”
  • “I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that’s the way it is, period.”
  • “God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says ‘This is my land,’ and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, ‘No, this is mine.’ … He was dividing God’s land. And I would say, ‘Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.’ God says, ‘This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.’” (on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke)
  • “Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up” (on nuking the State Department)
  • “You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war … We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don’t need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It’s a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.” (calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez)
  • “Wait a minute, I didn’t say ‘assassination.’ I said our special forces should ‘take him out,’ and ‘take him out’ can be a number of things, including kidnapping.” (clarifying his call to assassinate Hugo Chavez)
  • “Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him.”
  • Heart warming…

    Friday, March 17th, 2006

    Is this not the most heart warming photo you’ve ever seen? It was taken outside Shumacher Furs in PDX during (obviously) a fur protest.


    An Article That All Must Read

    Friday, March 17th, 2006

    From The Village Voice

    The Torture Judge
    By Nat Hentoff
    March 13th, 2006 12:45 A

    “Essentially you have a judge saying that assuming that U.S. officials sent Mr. Arar to be tortured, a judge can do nothing about it.” Georgetown University law professor David Cole, New York Law Journal, February 17
    In a startling, ominous decision—ignored by most of the press around the country—Federal District Judge David Trager, in the Eastern District of New York, has dismissed a lawsuit by a Canadian citizen, Maher Arar, who, during a stopover at Kennedy Airport on the way home to Canada after vacation, was kidnapped by CIA agents. Arar was flown to Syria, where he was tortured for nearly a year in solitary confinement in a three-by-six-foot cell (”like a grave,” he said). He became, internationally, one of the best-known victims of the CIA’s extraordinary renditions—the sending of suspected terrorists to countries known for torturing their prisoners.Released after his ordeal, Arar has not been charged with any involvement in terrorism, or anything else, by Syria or the United States. Stigmatized by his notoriety, still traumatized, unemployed, he is back in Canada, where the Canadian Parliament had opened an extensive and expensive public inquiry into his capture and torture. The United States refuses to cooperate in any way with this investigation.Maher Arar sued for damages in federal court here (Maher Arar v. John Ashcroft, formerly Attorney General of the United States, et al.). Representing Arar for the New York–based Center for Constitutional Rights, David Cole predicts, and I agree, that if Judge Trager’s ruling is upheld in an appeal to the Supreme Court, the CIA and other American officials will be told “they have a green light to do to others what they did to Arar”—no matter what international or U.S. laws are violated in the name of national security.

    Following the dismissal of Arar’s case by Trager (former dean of Brooklyn Law School), Barbara Olshansky (deputy legal director of the Center for Constitutional Rights) underscored the significance of what Trager has done to legitimize the Bush administration’s doctrine that in the war on terrorism, the commander in chief sets the rules. Said Olshansky: “There can be little doubt that every official of the United States government [involved in the torture of Maher Arar] knew that sending him to Syria was a clear violation of the U.S. Constitution, federal statutes, and international law . . . This is a dark day indeed.”

    To fathom the darkness of Trager’s decision that Maher Arar has no constitutional right to due process in an American court of law for what he suffered because of the CIA, it’s necessary to be aware of a decision directly on point by New York’s Second Circuit Court of Appeals in 1980.

    In this landmark decision, Filártiga v. Peña-Irala, David Cole points out, the appeals court decided that “the prohibition on torture was so universally accepted that a U.S. Court could hold responsible a Paraguayan official charged with torturing a dissident in Paraguay . . . The [U.S.] court declared that when officials violate such a fundamental norm as torture, they can be held accountable anywhere they are found.” (Emphasis added.)

    That 1980 Second Circuit Court of Appeals decision proclaimed: “The torturer has become the pirate and slave trader before him . . . an enemy of all mankind.” (Emphasis added.)

    The kicker is that this decision giving American courts jurisdiction over cases of official torture in other countries was reaffirmed by the U.S. Supreme Court in June 2004 (Sosa v. Alvarez-Machain).

    Now let us hear how Judge Trager justifies his dismissal of Maher Arar’s suit for the atrocities he endured in Syria because of the CIA. In his decision, Trager said that if a judge decided, on his or her own, that the CIA’s “extraordinary renditions” were always unconstitutional, “such a ruling can have the most serious consequences to our foreign relations or national security or both.”

    A judge must be silent, even if our own statutes and treaties are violated! What about the separation of powers? Ah, said Trager, “the coordinate branches of our government [executive and legislative] are those in whom the Constitution imposes responsibility for our foreign affairs and national security. Those branches have the responsibility to determine whether judicial oversight is appropriate.”

    Gee, I thought that the checks and balances of our constitutional system depend on the independence of the federal judiciary, which itself decides to exercise judicial review.

    Judge Trager went further to protect the Bush administration’s juggernaut conduct of foreign policy: “One need not have much imagination to contemplate the negative effect on our relations with Canada if discovery were to proceed in this case, and were it to turn out that certain high Canadian officials had, despite public denials, acquiesced in Arar’s removal to Syria.”

    “More generally,” Trager went on, “governments that do not wish to acknowledge publicly that they are assisting us would certainly hesitate to do so if our judicial discovery process could compromise them.”

    But judge, the Canadian government itself is now actively involved in an inquiry to discover, among other things, what happened to Arar, and how. And in Europe, there is a fierce controversy over whether governments there have been covertly involved in facilitating the CIA’s kidnapping of terror suspects from other lands.

    Is it the job of a federal judge here to protect other governments from embarrassment and eventual punishment by their own courts for helping the United States commit crimes?

    And what about our own government’s criminal accountability? The February 17 New York Law Journal noted that “Judge Trager said that even assuming the government had intended to remove Maher Arar to Syria for torture, the federal judiciary was in no position to hold our government officials liable for damages ‘in the absence of explicit direction by Congress . . . even if such conduct violates our treaty obligations or customary international law.’ ” (Emphasis added.)

    If independent federal judges cannot hold our government accountable, who can? Fortunately, Judge Trager is not on the Supreme Court. But look at whom George W. Bush has appointed to be our custodians of the Constitution!

    You Know You are a Fundamentalist Christian When…

    Thursday, March 16th, 2006

    10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

    9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

    8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

    7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

    6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

    5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

    4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

    3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

    2 - You define 0.01% a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE rate was simply the will of God.

    1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

    Credit goes to Clint Thompson