I know…what you see here is not a Chevy Astrovan. It is in fact a Nissan Quest. The titling of this post is not meant to imply the story, other than a short sidebar, is about an actual Astrovan. It’s more about an actual dumbfuck that works at my office. I just titled it Astrovan Dumbfuck because it’s a band name that Endub and I came up with driving around Bend.

No the dumbfuck is the woman in my office who owns a blue Nissan Quest much like the one above, with the obviously difference being the color. There could be another big difference though, although I can’t tell from the picture. The one at my office has the world loudest, most sensitive car alarm. A very slight breeze sets it off….over, and over, and over, and over again. All day long.

Each time it goes off (so far today it seems to be about twice an hour), it will blare for about 5 minutes right outside my office window…then the Dumbfuck waddles her ass out there, disarms it, and then re-arms it, and then waddles back inside. The sheer repetition alone should trigger something in any primate that perhaps something here is totally inefficient, but I could be, and apparently am, wrong.

I don’t want to imply that today is the first day this has occurred. I live right by my office. In fact, my office shares the parking lot with my apartment. (This sucks, but is a story for a different day.) Dumbfuck comes to work at 6:00am. I usually get up at 7:45am. Sometimes though, I get up at 6:00. Can anyone guess why?

To add to her already astounding idiocy, directly across the street from our office, is the Police Department! It’s not a real high car theft area. I am quite certain that wandering groups of thugs do not roam the area, waiting until they see a hot Nissan Quest minivan parked right across from the police station, before they decide to pounce and go for a little joyride. So there is really no reason for a car alarm in this case….not that there really ever is, since they are so fucking frequently set off by their owners that when I hear one, I don’t even look anymore. If I do happen to glance and see someone near the car, I assume it’s the owner, being a dumbfuck.

Wouldn’t you be embarrassed if your car alarm was going off 20 or 30 times a day, and drawing attention to your poorly maintained Nissan Quest? I know when I drive cars with alarms (even nice brand new Volvo’s) it embarrasses the shit out of me when the alarm goes off. I just don’t get it.

Anyway…there really isn’t a point to this whole story other than to comment on how passionately I hate the owner of this particular shit-box for her incessant irritation of me. If anyone ever does steal her car, I guarantee it’s going to be someone that works here, or lives in my apartment building, simply to get the fucking thing to shut up…violently, and permanently.

Oh….there it goes again! I started writing this about 10 minutes ago, right after she disarmed it last time…and it’s currently going off again! Darwin, please come work you magic on this bitch…please. There is no way this is the only realm she’s well below the fittest in.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 1st, 2005 at 10:42 am and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.