Pretty amazing. On July 6th Thunder-cunt and I will have been apart for 6 months.
Good riddance. I never realized what a huge fucking drag on me she was. Sure, I felt the need to pickle my liver for several months after she fucking totally flipped out into full on crazy mixed up lunatic bitch mode, but I think it’s safe to say I’m pretty much totally over her at this point. I can even look at other girls, and not immediately hate them. It took a while to reach that point, but it’s good to finally be here. I’m still not really interested in dating anyone, but am open to the possibility should it arise. I’m just not looking for it. I just never realized how unhappy she was making me. I actually thought she was making me *more* happy and that I was just generally depressed, as I had been for so long. But no, I realize now that I think it actually had a lot to do with her, specifically. Some sort of stigmata caused by the disconnect between what I forced my conscious mind to think, and what I knew deep down…that she sucked fucking balls. (And unfortunately, not only mine.)
It’s pretty weird though, to go from being with someone and talking to them every day for 5.5 years, and then break up and never talk to them again. Literally. My friends who have had long term relationships still talk to their ex’s (without an exception I can think of). But not me.
I haven’t heard from her since that night in April I had the stripper call her twice, and then went to The Hick’s house (where she was whoring living and told her what a stupid bitch she is. Two things I do not regret, and in fact am quite proud of. The only thing that would have made me more proud is if I could have egged The Hick on to the point that he punched me, ’cause then I could have had him arrested, which would have made me happy. But instead I just told him he was stupid to get involved with her, and he said he knew he was. (Figure that out - I guess you’re actually stupid in general if you acknowledge you are doing something stupid, yet still do it.) Holy crap. I just realized I never did a proper write up of that night in April. I’ll have to do that….it’s pure gold. A little dated at this point in the game, but interesting none the less. Maybe I’ll try to integrate it chronologically into the blog at the place it should be, because it really was worth remembering.
Anyway, I digress. I was talking about how strange it is that I most likely won’t ever see or hear from her again. I’m certainly not going to contact her, and all I can assume is that she either completely doesn’t care about me at all (which, despite the evidence, seems unlikely) or she thinks I am still really mad at her and doesn’t want me to yell at her, or say anything that will bring her down. Well, I’m not so much mad at her, as I acutely lack respect for her. But she is right, she probably doesn’t really want to talk to me, because I don’t really have anything to talk to her about, other than how much she sucks. I would offer to be her friend, and help teach her the ways in which she sucks, and how to not suck so much in the future…but that’s the kind of help that’s hard to take…and I’m pretty sure she’d pass on it, despite how much good it would do her.
I always wonder what I’ll do if I run into her out on the town or something…but I think I’ll probably just ignore her. Either that, or do that juvenile thing where you act like you’re coughing but shout “BITCH” through it.
Anyway…you are probably picking up on the hate that flows through this post and saying “Whatever dude, you said at the beginning you were over her, but you are so not.” And to that I say you are wrong. I think there is a difference between being over an ex, and being to the stage where you actually stop thinking about her entirely. I still think about her, but it doesn’t make me want to drink myself to death to try and kill the knot in my stomach…instead it makes me laugh at what a dumb bitch she was/is. So the thoughts of her are diminishing with time, and at this point are pretty much just musings about how lame she is, and they don’t bother me, so that can only be a good sign, right? At least I’m on the right track, and don’t feel like I have a black cloud hanging over me. I’ve even updated my iPod with some non-depressing tracks!
A funny thought just occurred to me. There are kinda parallels between T.C. and The Hick, and Britney and Kevin. Britney seemed hot for a while, but then hooked up with Kevin, the white trash piece of shit, and then she let her true trailer park trash nature shine through. I think genetically, T.C. just couldn’t resist the allure of The Hick’s trailer park appeal, and was overcome by it, and rapidly let her trailer park whorishness shine through. I wonder how their relationship is going, because oddly enough, the night we broke up at the party it was because she was whoring around with a different guy than The Hick, while at The Hick’s house. So he can’t really trust her further than he could throw her…which could be quite some distance…but never quite far enough. (And no, I don’t just sit around thinking about Britney and Kevin. Dimitri just read off something about them…and the similarities just lined up in my mind for whatever reason.)
Anyway…so maybe I’m not totally over her…but overall I’m feeling happier and healthier than I have for as long as I can remember, and it only seems to be getting better…so whatever. I go to the gym a lot (5 times a week) and I drink a lot less. (ie; Get drunk about once a week, instead of, well, seven times a week.)
Well, I’ve wasted plenty of time today, and work is almost over…so my work is done here for now…peace.
“They say you can’t turn a bad girl good
But once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever..”
– Jay-Z